Let's talk about sex--in fiction

First, Carmen Reid writes in Scotland on Sunday about what may be the worst form of writer humiliation:

As a writer, I’ve heard some truly awful tales of author humiliation. Let’s see: books that are rudely rejected, agents who sack their writers by email, bookshops that arrange signings but don’t order in any books, readings where no audience appears...

But the worst by far was an author I know who at her first book launch, her very first brave and lonely appearance in print, had to endure a drunken ‘friend’ reading the sex scenes from her novel aloud to the gathering.

She did the only thing any writer could do in the circumstances: she slid off her seat, curled up underneath the table, put her fingers in her ears and tried very hard not to cry.

But each year, some poor novelist has to put on a brave smile and endure the same horror much more publicly at the hands of The Literary Review and its annual Bad Sex in Literary Fiction Award.

Basically, she's not a big fan of the idea of holding up examples of bad sex for all the world to see.  And what of writing good sex, and how to do it, especially with all those prying eyes waiting to pounce on the results?

How do you write a good sex scene? The same way you become a good lover - by being open, by entering into the experience with abandon and assuming nothing of the outcome, by allowing yourself to feel free and un-judged, but most importantly, by finding someone who likes the way you do it.

Most writers, despite the glowering disapproval of the Bad Sex Award - or worse, the thought of their parents reading what they’ve written - venture in and explore the territory.

Similarly, Lee Goldberg picks up on a post by bestselling writer Laurell Hamilton and talks about his own experiences writing about sex--and how they went over with one of his first editors:

In the first draft of my first book, .357 VIGILANTE, my hero was impotent, unable to get it up because of all the violence in his life. When I turned the manuscript in to my editor, he was shocked.

"The hero can't be impotent," he cried. "This is a men's action adventure novel. Not only does he have sex, he has GREAT sex!"

So I rewrote the sex scenes. I made them utterly ridiculous. They defied logic. They defied gravity. All the hero had to do was glance at a woman and she'd collapse into multiple orgasms.  A few days after I turned the manuscript in, I got a call from my editor.

"I read the sex scenes," he said.

I figured what he was going to say next was that the book was rejected and my contract for two more was canceled. I was wrong.

"Not only were they hot," he said, " they were real."

I was relieved...and deeply depressed. If those scenes were real, than my love life was pathetic. Or, at least, more pathetic than I already thought it was.

More seriously, he wonders how writers and readers view sex in fiction. I'll answer from both perspectives after the jump.

I don't know if writing about sex is harder than writing anything else, but I suppose I'm in the camp of avoidance, unless it's absolutely necessary. And by necessary, I mean that depicting a sexual act is fundamental to the development of a character. Usually, at least in my own writing to date (published or unpublished) I take the "less is more" approach, and even when I am writing a sex scene, the words I use are so matter-of-fact and plain as to be almost overly distant. I don't think that's an accident, because sex is such an emotional act--even when the distinct lack of them are involved--so in order for me to depict what's happening, I need that writerly distance in place to let the characters speak, and think, for themselves.

Because sex involves emotion, and emotion is truth, and truth is difficult to convey because often one has to really delve into uncomfortable territory. But by doing so, the writing improves, and no doubt the reader is more engaged as well.

I certainly subscribe to the "less is more" theory when reading about sex. Even though one of my favorite books this year, TAMING THE BEAST by Emily Maguire, is often sexually graphic, it's never exploitative because she conveyed the deep dysfunction and damage inherent to the two main characters, Sarah and Daniel. They burn each other out, and yet they cannot relate to each other except as sexual beings. But at the same time, the style of writing was very straightforward, so the acts described never seemed cheapened. As I've said many times before, TAMING THE BEAST made me uncomfortable and took me to some emotional places I didn't think I wanted to visit, but the sheer force of Maguire's writing forced me to, and I don't regret it.

Less wrenching but still memorable in my mind is Peter Robinson's IN A DRY SEASON, where DCI Banks and DS Cabbot make love for the first time. It has been several years since I read the novel but I still remember my response to that scene, which wonderfully evoked the awkwardness that exists between two people who like each other a whole lot but still have to adjust their bodies and minds to the other person. By showing that sex can be imperfect, and wryly humorous, Robinson provided deep insight into both Banks and Cabbot as people, making them more human and real.

On the other side are scenes which go for the humor. Peter Guttridge's series is very funny for a variety of reasons, but perhaps most of all for his protagonist Nick Madrid's sorry sex life. In the two books I've read thus far, NO LAUGHING MATTER and A GHOST OF A CHANCE, women seem to end up with him in droves--and then deeply disappointed, or vice versa, because everything's over fairly quickly. It's one thing to write bad sex accidentally, but writing bad sex deliberately adds a layer of character development that's rather unique.

But even when sex illuminates character, I still remember certain scenes, well, just for the sake of them. THE SWEET FOREVER is probably my favorite book by George Pelecanos, and there are many, many reasons why--Dmitri Karras's descent into drug hell, the 1980s setting, the despair mixed with a sense of faint hope. But damned if I can't get those ice cubes out of my head, because it was one of those truly "WTF?" moments that made me take notice. I don't necessarily think it was out of character, but it was certainly something extra.

Obviously, sex is a landmine of emotions, and one false step can blow everything to pieces. But when done well, at least in a fictional sense, it can develop character like almost nothing else. But I still think I won't write sex scenes unless absolutely, utterly necessary...

Comments

[Erin]

Sara Donati, author of historical fiction, delves into writing sex scenes on her blog.
http://saralaughs.com/blog/

[Alina Adams]

While the idea of my parents reading sex scenes is not the thrill of my life, I would like to chime in with the fact that, frankly, I would prefer and agent of editor to dump me by e-mail. E-mail allows you to read an digest the message before you have to respond and also gives you the option of not responding at all. It is, imho, much more humane than a phone call where you have to come up with something on the spot.

[Jim Winter]

I've generally gone for the matter-of-fact approach. Since it's only been Kepler so far, I've been able to have Kepler simply describe it after the fact - the afterglow or aftermath, depending on the scene and what function it performs in a story. There's something to be said about cutting away just as someone's shirt comes off or dives into the bed. Or having the characters sitting at the breakfast table the next morning in various improvised bed clothes. Sex has a function in a story, but often, at least in crime fiction, it's best described by it's lead-in or it's aftermath, with vague descriptions of the act itself. ("What followed could best be described as sexual aerobics...") That's not to say I haven't written explicit scenes. I have, but I had my reasons.

Besides, character sex is so much different than real sex. No one stops to say, "I gotta go to the bathroom" or is interrupted by the phone ringing at an hour that demands an answer. You never here the PI asking the lusty witness above/beneath them "Do you remember if I closed the garage door?"

Nope, it's pure, raw emotion we're going for when we write sex or write around it.

Unless you're comedian Ron White, who once asked a question about the dog walking in the room during the act. It doesn't bear repeating here, but my answer would be, "God, I hope not."

[Rebecca]

Since - thank God - my detective is a rather prissy type, who tends to avoid sex while working, I haven't had to write any seriously explicit sex scenes. (I imagine he does all sorts of things on his time off, but I don't follow him there.) But as to the parents reading them...ouch. My parents are usually my first audience for my books, and worse than that, I usually ask them to read the manuscript aloud so I can get a sense of how it sounds. And if having your parents read a sex scene you've written out loud doens't make you cringe...you obviously belong on Donna's #62 bus.

But this reminds me irresistibly of a student of mine who got involved in writing a romance novel (at the age of 15). She described a very hearts and flowers wedding, and then had the first person narrator say essentially (I'm paraphrasing and editing a couple of paragraphs): "That was the most wonderful night of my life....I drank so much champagne that I don't remember what happened and woke up wearing only a sheet." When I gently suggested that getting so drunk that you have no memory of the previous night suggested date rape rather than rapture my young author said anxiously, "But, Miss, you always say to give descriptive details in writing, and I wasn't really sure what to describe, because I don't know." I think I suggested Jim's "lead-in/aftermath" solution to her, but kept a straight face with difficulty. Do you suppose creative writing students in MFA programs conscientiously try to have as much sex as possible so they can write about what they know?

[Sarah]

Oh Rebecca, that story is absolutely priceless. Espec having once been a similarly precocious teen who attempted to write a sex scene without, um, firsthand experience. (Basically, just to see if I could...) Fortunately, I only got about 300 words in before I tossed it, knowing it was utter dreck.

As for the MFAs, wouldn't surprise me in the least.

[Andi]

ok, let's. I just went a wee tad ballistic over on DL because of someone who while acknowledging she was exaggerating a little (and i was like "a LITTLE????") cited hard-boiled msyteries as full of as she put it "as much swearing as possible" (whch is silly) but also as having at least "three pre-marital sexual encounters (one with the obligatory prostitute)." I went sky high and asked what she'd been reading as this bears NO resemblance to my readig experience. I can't remember the last mystery I read where someone slept with a hooker nor do I recall a count. But Hemingway (sorry, that's a steal from Cornelia's sister thatI've fallen in love with) one of the books i liked a LOT this year was Michael Allen Dymmoch's The Fall, which was described as romantic suspense. The sex scenes were hot, and possibly offensive to some, but not "gratuitous" (again, a word i see a lot and STILL do not comprehend) because they got to the nature of 2 people and their relationship. One reason I used to like Wendy Hornsby's Maggie MacGowen books was for the adult relationship between Maggie and her lover. There weren't pages and pages, but hints and few descriptions and I thought it told the reader a LOT about the 2 people, their boundaries, their love and/or trust for each other. And i say only with a mild snotty tone that I'd rather spend a few words with Spenser and Susan in bed than I would at the dinner table.
Yeah, it does (or SHOULD ) involve emotiona nd I think it IS one way to SHOW emotion; show commitment and as I say trust. WHAT people do doesn't have to be described move by move, but it provide information about the people and how they ARE with each other. Good dialogue does that too, hurray for that.
Jim said there's somehting to be said for cutting away and yeah there is and it can be evocative and smart. I flashed on the film "Bull Durham" when he said that because there are sex scenes in that film which show you a LOT about Annie and Crash, including the cut-away and moments-after scenes. Part of this story was about 2 people falling for each other; when they finally make love, I GOT how FAR that love and gone with them, and how well they knew each other despite not having spent that much time together. They were in sync; that's what I GET from well-written, well-portrayed sex scenes. It extends what is going on emotionally, often in a way that cannot be talked about or shown well otherwise.
And I had no idea I really thought that til just now. So there!
Andi

[Lee Goldberg]

Jim wrote: "Besides, character sex is so much different than real sex. No one stops to say, "I gotta go to the bathroom" or is interrupted by the phone ringing at an hour that demands an answer. You never here the PI asking the lusty witness above/beneath them "Do you remember if I closed the garage door?"

I don't know why "Character sex" has to be any different than what happens in a "real" sexual encounter. Why can't a PI stop in middle of sex to go to the bathroom... or be distracted by his girlfriend's bad breath...or have difficulty figuring out exactly how his partner likes to be satisfied...or--

--well, you get the point. The possible awkward, embarrassing, and uncomfortable situations that can occur between two people having sex, even if it turns out to be great sex, are endless... and there's no reason "character sex" has to be so perfect, so hot, so slick that it borders on science fiction. I find it refreshing when i read sex scenes in novels that are more real than ones that are fantasies of the way we'd like sex to be.

[Emily]

For me, the biggest problem with having a sex scene heavy novel is that many reviewers seem to have an emotional age of 12 when it comes to sex. It seems one can write about any other human behaviour (drug addiction, daydreaming, compulsive shopping, whatever) and the behaviour will be read as demonstrating character, but write about sexual behaviour and the reviewer can only blush and giggle and write about the sex but not the lovers.

[Andi]

Emily, what an frightening and awful thought. Gulp. I hope I don't do that (write about the sex but not the lovers) but I so get what you're saying and now I'm rather sweaty-palmed, wondering if I've done that. I DO believe that sex is as telling a behavior as, as you point out, any other, and I would agree; it's the behavior, the actions/activity that's commented on, NOT what it means, what it tells you. I don't know that I've ever reall written more than a little about the sex that appears in the books I review (other to say "I thought it was well done but suspect it will offend some folks" and other weasely lines - because I don't know HOW to write about it, I think). I DID say this about Michael Allen Dymmoch's The Fall, which I liked:

"there's some pretty hot stuff between Paul and Joanne, but it worked (and I didn't find it 'gratuitous' a complaint I hear about some books and don't truly understand) as it deepens the relationship between the two lead characters. "

And I agree with Lee (and was stunned that his editor wouldn't allow his character the night of impotence that is a realistic scene AND is part of understanding the character, what an annoying thing). It sure doesn't diminish him in THIS reader's eyes, but well, um, editors don't seem to EDIT books for the likes of me. I'd rather someone say "ow, your elbow" because I can relate to that as a reader and a real person, rather than waves crashing on the beach or, one REALLY overdone one, clothes just melting away or disslving or disappearing and sorry but we ALL have zippers and buttons and many time there are condoms to deal with - which, btw, HAS been dealt with rather well in a number of books I've read.