Anticlimax

On occasion - okay, frequently - it occurs to me that the level of content here has dropped over the last few months, maybe even longer. No apologies, no excuses, but perhaps some of that may be explained by a deadline I set for myself a few months back: to have the first draft of my current work in progress complete before I flew to Madison.

For the last couple of months, I was certain I wouldn't make it, mostly because those 1000 words a day were akin to having a tooth pulled out, slowly, one millimeter at a time. Or because other things popped up. Or because I was procrastinating. Or because I was stressed out. The usual things. And not so long ago, I stopped beating myself up if I missed my self-imposed deadline because hey, it's self-imposed. No one cares. Which is the most liberating feeling in the world.

No wonder a funny thing happened late Sunday night, not long after Rosh Hashanah ended. And as I typed "The End" I didn't feel excited or upset or relieved. I felt confused. What do you mean, I don't have to get my ass in the chair and excrete words on a daily basis? What do you mean, I'm finished, revisions - many, many, many revisions - pending? It was weird.

Or maybe not. I was talking to Dave the next day and he said he got sick right after finishing up WHEN ONE MAN DIES. I've heard other writers relate similar stories of discombobulation and slight health maladies after putting a manuscript to bed (temporarily or otherwise.) I suppose when the work is that consistent, that demanding of your creative energies, when it's over, the immune system has its say. Begs the person to rest and relax.

Which I will. And then, not too long from now, I'll look at the manuscript and see exactly what's good and what needs to be tossed. And get to work. But I'm fairly circumspect about the whole thing. I wrote a novel last year and it's sitting in a drawer, on permanent hiatus. This one may suffer the same fate. And if so, I'll write another. And another. Because no one's waiting for my debut novel, not really.

So I might as well get the damn thing right.

Comments

[PJ Parrish]

Sara,

I doubt there is a writer out there -- whatever level of experience -- who hasn't been where you are right now. My last book was going so badly at one point, I ended up in the hospital with chest pains. (nothing wrong, thank god, that a week of Xanax, yoga and getting away from all things writing didn't cure). So I wish I could tell you it gets easier. It doesn't. If it does get easier, well, it shows in the end product, doesn't it.

The thing that does get easier is you learn you aren't alone, and you learn to savor the journey rather than anticipating the destination. Best of luck with your first-born, and don't beat yourself up.

[Laurie King]

What do you mean, no one's waiting for your debut novel?

Come on, girl, get to work.

Well, okay, you can take BoucherCon off, but Monday...

Laurie King

[Olen Steinhauer]

OK, it doesn't feel like it should, but it's an accomplishment nonetheless. By the fifth vodka, and enough friends/family around congratulating you, you'll begin to believe them, and start to feel a touch of pride, which you should feel.

Hold onto it for the next few weeks, so you can quickly toss it aside come revisions.

So congrats! You deserve it!

...

I never reach "the end" with a feeling of accomplishment. The forthcoming revisions always make me feel as if I'm still only halfway done. The only way I can make it through those weeks before revision is to immediately start on something else. That feeling of accomplishment only comes, in muted form, when my editor's ok'd the book. I do hope to get a bigger boom when the last edits are done on the last of this series, in a month. That should be nice.

[Gwenda]

Yes! I've come to exactly this same conclusion and it is very freeing. And besides, revision always seems appealing until you start in on it.

Congratulations on the draft.

[Ingrid (I.J.Parker)]

Well, congratulations are in order. I have never worked at such a rate and I'm a workaholic. The last one (just finished) has taken two years. Meanwhile I've been at this for a while, and still no one is waiting anxiously for my next book. I've reached the point where I envy people who have deadlines.
But you write so well and have so much to offer a publisher that you'll be writing to deadlines very soon and, alas, your blog readers will be sad.
The best of luck for the book!

[Elaine Flinn]

As Kris said - you're not alone Sarah. I experience the same emotions each time I finally (after a few full edits) get to the end - 'Eeek! This sucks!' So welcome to the nut house.

[Rob Tiffey]

Sara,

I have to agree with PJ Parrish not to be so hard on yourself. But then again who doesn't get like this at times? I try see the whole writing process as like a marathon: slow and steady wins the race. Sometimes the race doesn't happen every day or every week. I'm half-way through my novel's first draft and know where the rest of the story will go, but I haven't written a word in months since caring for my late mother. But I know in time I'll get back into the saddle and get to writing "The End" then move onto the many rewrites. I know I'll feel a great sense of accomplishment. So should you. Many thanks Sara for providing such a great service for all of us new or old pros in this game called writing/publishing fiction. Keep plugging.

[Laura]

Sarah,

Just getting to "The End" is such a monumental achievement. Enjoy it, bask in it. The timing's good. You not only have Bouchercon to unwind, you then have Yom Kippur to atone for Bcon. (Although, seriously -- Bouchercon seldom reaches atonement-level.)

[Jenny]

Congratulations! Savor it. Savor it. Savor it. Better yet with a pint of chocolate ice cream or a cosmopolitan. See you in Madison.

[Kevin Wignall]

Sarah, even now, having just finished some revisions on the last MS, I find myself saying to people, "Right, I must go, I've got to..." before realizing I don't have anything to do. And I'm kicking around like an empty-nester.

As for the achievement, yes, it feels anticlimactic, but it's some achievement all the same. Congratulations.

[Keith]

Endings are good places for breakdowns.

[Naomi]

Congrats, Sarah. This is indeed an accomplishment. You have time on your side, so you can let it all marinate and transform into the best book possible.

[Ray]

Ach, it happens - all that work and it's an anticlimax. But it will sink in. Congratulations, though. People are waiting for your debut, but only when you're happy with it.

[Daniel Hatadi]

Congrats on reaching the finishing line Sarah.

Remember that with large amounts of alcohol you can easily turn this into a climax. Maybe climax isn't quite the right word, but you know what I mean.

[Stephen Blackmoore]

Whatever it feels like right now, it's still damn impressive. Congratulations.

[JT Ellison]

Sarah,
Yay!!! If you won't be excited, I'll do it for you. A momentus achievement and worthy of several nights of revelries. Dave is right, though -- there is something that is passed from those two little words right into your body that cue a immune system breakdown, happens to me every time.
Fantastic news, and safe travels this weekend!.

[M.J]

Congratulations. Its a wonderful accomplishment and to to have written the words right after the holiday.

And having read some of your short fiction, I am another who is waiting for it.

[SD]

Major congrats, Sarah. I say nothing's sweeter than typing that final punctuation mark. Take a Bouchercon out of petty cash, spend a good number of days afterward patting yourself on the back (each one well deserved), then roll your sleeves back up again.

[Jenny Davidson]

Yes, full draft is a significant achievement, no matter how daunting the thought of revisions & future drafting...

[Sara Gran]

Sarah, first, congratulations. Second, I feel wierd and icky when I finish a book too. Third, the fact that you're willing to let the book go if you don't think it's good enough (even if we all know you're wrong and it's probably fabulous), shows that you have more dedication to good writing in your pinky finger than most of have combined. I'm impressed.

xxoo

Sara

[David J. Montgomery]

That's wonderful news, Sarah! Many congratulations.

I'm already looking forward to reviewing it. :)

[Ali]

Yo Sarah,

WELL DONE!

Take a few medicinal beers at B'con

Ali

[hoxvesku]

nalgas grandes